I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
