can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
