How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize