our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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