I need to stop coming to work sober
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
