I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
handjob tips. give me some.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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