from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
