the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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