butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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