im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
