And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
