I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just had sex on a roof
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
