I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
