I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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