Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need to sanitize my soul.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
