it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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