so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
