Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
