Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
