I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
