when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just pee around me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
