I can text with my tongue
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I love having hate sex.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
