I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
