Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
