This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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