Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
