So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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