if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
