Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
