thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
