so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
