Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Randomize
