I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
barbara walters just said penis...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
