We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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