the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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