Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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