I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
