wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
