WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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