the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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