do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
