Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
