Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
