i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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