you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
