guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
