When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
