Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
