What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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