Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
