Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They took my balls.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
