hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
high people should be assigned attendants
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize