I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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