We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
