I wish life had little blips of pornography
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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