I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
