Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
