Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
