normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
