I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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