why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
birth control should be required to get into college
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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