Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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