i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
