I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
