jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
