are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
