Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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