maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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