remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
