I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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