I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
