the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
