Where did you get a picture of my penis
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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