a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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