I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize