i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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